Tanto Deseo

2007-05-02T00:25:00.000-07:00

I'm so far away, but I can smell it
getting closer
all my body gets anxious because I'm getting the taste of it

I don't care that I fall every two steps
I get up and go on, and it hurts less each time
and even when I seem to be stuck I start feeling like I'm getting somewhere...

it's strange because people from outside see like I've moved really fast and they even write about it
I feel like I'm always in the same place and very far from where I want to be, but at the same time something is growing inside me, and I'm getting stronger and better, like I'm building a structure that is what will sustain me when it actually happens....

Some day I'll get really good and then the gameboard will get much wider

I fall and I raise again

2007-05-01T21:28:00.000-07:00

that's what I love about life
I love the game
I love playing

I don't care about winning as much as I love playing
that's why I loose and win all the time and both are interesting

I went to the Casino today, and I saw all these people loosing and winning money, mostly loosing, and I do the same thing, only that I get more thrill out of betting in real life, and I feel I have much more to learn

but is just a game in the end, and I guess if i lost it all, I'd just have to get some new cards and start all over again

I'm sure I don't know what life is

2007-04-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

I've lived it all

and yet

I've lived nothing

I feel life begins everyday

and everyday I have to learn how to walk

I needed a new world

My new world was

APPETITE

Now I need a new world again

and it's going to be Tanto Deseo

It's not true I don't believe in anything

I still believe I can create a life worth living and fighting for

I'm not good for giving up

I have nothing to give

2007-04-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

I'm running out of excuses

but I know I'll go on tomorrow

working

as if I had something to say

as if actually believed in something

life is a not game

it's a joke

I'm not sure if I believe in anything

I wish I was more selfish

I need more energy

Music is the only thing worth living for

and I don't have it

My Diary

2007-04-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

my online life is going to save me

my real life does not exist

I can't stay true to myself if I don't know who I am

my work is suposed to save me

but instead is killing my youth

life gets to be too hard

2007-04-29T18:09:00.000-07:00

even for me

I try to be superwoman but I'm far from that

I'm just a lost girl

I'm too alone

and too weak

I just want to go back to dancing

alone in a pole

with just unknown people who think that I am what's in my surface

All I need is to give my soul to music

And my body

real life is online

2007-04-29T17:39:00.000-07:00

I wish I knew how to do things right

probablemente nunca lo sepa
y siga viviendo de errores

I hate to write

2007-04-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

I hate to write, I don't know why I start a blog then